what have I done?

When I was in my early years of public schooling, we had to fill out a cute little assignment that included our life's goals, aspirations, dreams, and plenty of other things that we had spent very little time thinking about. At this age, I must have had no concept of what Josh and I were like, because I picked as a future career that I wanted to be "a mommy." Years later, I met the requirements and got handed my sparkling new title. It's been kind of a crazy 2 1/2 years, but I have learned a lot and so far I am loving it amidst the frustrations.

One of the most challenging things about this career is how difficult it is to track your progress. I've told my son many times, in the midst of punishing him, that I am "not going to raise a brat." Then there are many times that I wonder if I already have. I say "no," he screams it back in my face. Baby Ethan plays with one of Jonathan's toys, he snatches it up. Baby Ethan plays with one of Ethan's toys, and Jonathan snatches it up. I tell him to go to his time out chair, he gets up twenty seconds later and pulls his diaper off just so he can pee in his toy truck. Once in a while, however, there are these glimmering moments where he does something so super sweet, like kissing brother because he is sad, or helping Ethan eat his bottle when Jonathan openly resents that he can't have one anymore. It's times like those when I like to think that his real, sweet little spirit is shining through, and that when he's finished trying to accomplish his toddler agenda, that's what will be left. I don't know. Perhaps it's just that there are little bits of him I haven't managed to ruin. Yet.